Continuum
by wolfteam000
Summary: He would never know what made this man, with all the love that his heart could stand, dream of ways to throw it all away. (The prequel to Retribution, and the continuum between Retribution and Necromancer)


**Continuum**

**Waiting on the World to Change**

_Now we see everything that's going wrong with the world and those who lead it, we just feel like we don't have the means to rise above and beat it._

King Faust ruled his kingdom with an iron fist, conquering and plundering neighbouring lands so that Edolas would prosper. Jellal had never agreed with his father's methods. He found them selfish and barbaric and even though he was the crown prince, he was far too young to do anything, being a boy of merely 11. So he had waited, biding his time, hoping that he could change things once he was of age and could join his father's council of advisors. But fate was cruel. His father had soon succeeded in developing the Anima with the intent to suck out all of the magic from Earthland, and he had no choice but to leave his world to stop his father's senseless campaign for eternal magic.

Without formal training, there wasn't much he could do for the first few years but wander around Earthland closing up the Anima. He vowed to himself that in time, he would return to Edolas and free his kingdom from a crazed man's tyrannical rule. What he hadn't counted on was that it would take him 8 long years to do so.

_It's not that we don't care, we just know that the fight ain't fair._

5 years before she had entered the army, they had invaded Edolas, killing thousands and nearly burning the kingdom to the ground. Edolas had fought back, their weak army struggling to defend against the onslaught of a much more powerful enemy. It was only through their sheer numbers that they had managed to avoid utter defeat but they the brutal war had dragged on for 8 long years. Finally, with the emergence of new talent such as Hughes, Sugarboy and herself, Edolas had mounted a counter attack and destroyed them in retaliation for the years of suffering.

Erza had felt no remorse for the blood she had shed. There was anger and hatred because of the suffering they had all endured for so long. There was sadistic brutality because she had wanted nothing more than to inflict the same pain they had felt on them but tenfold. There was absolutely no shred of guilt, because she had finally learnt that in this cruel world, it was merely survival of the fittest.

* * *

**I Don't Trust Myself (With Loving You)**

_Who do you love? Me or the thought of me?_

It had been 4 months since all of the magic had been sucked out of Edolas and it was around that time that she had started to contemplate that it was possible that Jellal had feelings for her.

At first she had put it down to her imagination or coincidence but she had started to notice the little things that gave him away.

He would sneak glances at her during Council meetings when he thought she wasn't looking and his eyes would linger on her just a tad bit longer when he addressed the room before darting away to its next target. He would make idle chatter with her if he met her in the hallways, something that he didn't usually do with the council members or the other captains, with the exception of Laxus.

But months of wrangling with the Council members had taught him how to keep a straight face, and it was getting harder and harder to read him with each passing day.

Erza wiped the sweat from her forehead and set down her spear before she poured the bottle of water over her head.

Perhaps it was because he was so accustomed to Erza Scarlet's presence that he couldn't help comparing her with her Earthland counterpart. Or perhaps he had some sort of history with Scarlet and he was unconsciously projecting his notions and feelings onto her.

She took a long sip from the bottle.

Whatever it was, it didn't matter because she was nothing like Scarlet.

And she couldn't help but pity the fool who had fallen in love with an illusion.

_I don't trust myself with loving you._

Jellal nodded absently at what Erza was saying, not really paying much attention to what the latter was saying about their military strategy.

He was too distracted to focus on her words; his eyes kept straying to her lips, her eyes, her hands. He honestly tried to concentrate on what she was proposing but his mind kept drifting in a certain direction, questions about their relationship hanging over his head like a storm cloud.

He didn't know the answers and he wasn't sure if she could either.

All he knew was that he couldn't trust his judgement anymore, not when it came to making decisions relating to her.

Erza had stopped speaking at this point and Jellal turned to Laxus.

"What do you think?"

The male captain nodded in approval. "Sounds like a good plan. It's efficient and effective."

"Excellent," the king gestured at Erza. "See that it's done as soon as possible. Dismissed."

"Yes, Your Majesty," Erza saluted and strode out of the room, already barking orders at her lieutenant.

He leaned back against his chair, staring after her with a curious expression on his face.

No, he didn't trust himself with loving her.

Not one bit.

* * *

**Belief**

_Everyone believes in how they think it ought to be, everyone believes and they're not going easily._

There were many reasons why Erza Knightwalker was where she was right now. Family had led to her enrolling in the military academy, and determination and hard work had helped her climb up the ranks within the military. Talent had helped her stand out from the rest whilst her unforgiving attitude was what spurred her on in her training. She would not lose, she would not allow anyone to take anything away from her anymore. She would not be weak.

"They'll tell you that love is strength, that mercy is kindness. And I tell you that it's all a lie. Your enemies will never show such weakness to you, and neither should you to them. Power is strength. The only time you can stand on your own two feet, the only time you won't be exploited or taken advantage of, is when you have **power**. That is the way of the world, Erza. Don't you forget that."

And she had never forgotten her father's words.

She had, after all, seen it with her own two eyes. She had only been 12 when the invasion had started, watched as Razihel's armies had burnt her city to the ground, the dust and pungent stench of burning corpses wafting in the air, terrified screams piercing the skies set ablaze by the spreading flames that threatened to consume everything in its path.

A soldier had burst through the doors to their house and her father had loped the man's head off without hesitation, eyes unreadable.

Handing her a small dagger, he gave her a soft pat on the head.

"Stay here with your mother. I will return for you soon."

He never did keep his promise but she never forgot his words.

"Power isn't everything but it's the only thing that matters."

_We're never gonna win the world, we're never gonna stop the war. We're never gonna beat this if belief is what we're fighting for._

* * *

**Slow Dancing in a Burning Room**

_It's not a silly little moment, it's not the storm before the calm. This is the deep and dying breath of this love that we've been working on. _

It hurt, watching the man she loved grow angry and tired of their lives together.

It hurt, watching the man she loved stare through her as if she were a complete stranger.

It hurt, watching the man she loved slowly move further and further apart from her, grow colder for reasons she couldn't decipher or understand.

It hurt, watching the man she loved fall out of love with her as her own feelings for him dulled and wilted soon thereafter.

It hurt, watching their marriage fall apart like a house of cards in the wind, crumble like waves upon a sand castle.

It hurt, watching their love die slowly but surely.

_I was the one you always dreamed of, you were the one I tried to draw. How dare you say it's nothing to me? Baby, you're the only light I ever saw. _

Erza Knightwalker had never been a particularly emotional person. To display love and affection had always been considered a sort of weakness in her opinion. This fact remained unchanged even after her marriage to the man she had loved and though she tried to hide it, Jellal knew her too well. He could always see it in her eyes and she had relied on his perceptive instincts to convey these feelings to him.

Words had never needed to be spoken for him to understand, and understand he did.

But perhaps over time, her eyes had grown a little harder, a little colder. Perhaps she had stopped caring. Maybe her walls had gotten higher, shielding her heart and keeping it out of his reach.

Whatever it was, she had grown wary, tired of the man she had fallen in love with; the **only** man she had ever fallen in love with.

Still, she had tried to hide it, tried to maintain her emotionless façade to protect her heart.

But he knew her too well.

He knew her like the back of his hand, and so it had felt like a knife to her chest when Jellal had lashed out at her, the words cutting deep into her heart.

"Do you even care or do I mean nothing at all to you?"

_I'll make the most of all the sadness, you'll be a bitch because you can. You try to hit me just to hurt me so you leave me feeling dirty cause you can't understand. _

He knew from the moment those words left his lips that he had said something incredibly stupid. But he couldn't bear to make himself take them back because somewhere in the back of his mind, he wasn't sure of the answer. And he wasn't sure how he felt about Erza either.

Perhaps the question was whether _he _cared about her.

Had they fallen out of love or was the fault his alone? Was it something they could still save? Or were they merely slow dancing in a burning room?

Jellal glanced up at his wife, guilt settling into the pits of his stomach as he watched her face contort with hurt and anger.

"Look," he clasped his hands together, voice wavering slightly. "I didn't mean…"

"Really, Jellal?" She snapped at him. "If you say something, then you'd better damn well mean it."

He took a step towards her, hands held up in surrender. He prayed that she would accept his peace offering. He didn't want to fight.

"I'm sorry. I said that in the heat of the moment."

Her eyes flashed red, shoulders stiffening visibly but then they slumped slightly and Jellal was hopeful that she would accept his apology. Then they could work on repairing their relationship.

Erza hesitated to reply and he could tell she was struggling internally.

Then she spoke and he knew at that moment that they had finally reached the breaking point.

"You want an answer? Well I'll tell you. I don't care, Jellal. Not anymore."

_Don't you think we ought to know by now? Don't you think we should have learned somehow? _

* * *

**Dreaming with a Broken Heart**

_When you're dreaming with a broken heart, the giving up is the hardest part._

"Is this over?"

As much as it killed her to say so, she looked straight into his eyes and said softly, "Yes."

It was only when he had left the room that she had allowed herself to cry bitter tears, her heart aching with longing and regret. They had come so far, they had come so far only to fall apart at the last moment and it hurt more than anything she had ever experienced.

Exhausted, she collapsed onto the bed and cried herself to sleep.

She was knee deep in the river, the current threatening to pull her under if she so much as lost her balance or slipped. A dark shadow drifted past her and she saw someone's hand reaching up to the sky, the person gasping to breath but choking as the cold water filled his lungs.

Erza lunged towards him, her hand grasping his tightly and she pulled him out of the water and onto his feet. He stumbled backwards, coughing up water, his face obscured by the shadows slowly moving in around them.

"Are you alright?"

He did not reply, his heavy breathing echoing around the realm.

"Erza…"

She shivered at the sound of her name. The way he said it was strangely familiar but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. She jumped lightly as he took her hand in his, his thumb brushing across her skin tenderly.

He looked up at her and her eyes widened as she recognised him. Smiling, he said, "Don't follow me."

With a blink of an eye, he had disappeared, leaving nothing but a single rose in her hand.

_Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand? Would you get them if I did?_

The clear waters swallowed him whole, dragging him down into the depths. For a moment, he was at peace. It was quiet and he was just _there_, floating aimlessly, allowing the soothing current to push him to and fro. The serenity washed over him in waves and he closed his eyes, slowly sinking down into the abyss.

His eyes snapped open and he shot for the surface as something inexplicable gripped his chest.

Why was he fighting the feeling?

The last of the oxygen escaped in small bubbles through his nostrils and he opened his mouth in a silent scream as the water rushed into his lungs.

What was he fighting for?

Someone pulled him up forcefully and the sweet air filled his airways. Stumbling backwards, feet shifting over the loose sediments in the riverbed, he bent over, hands on his knees, wheezing.

"Are you alright?"

He nearly laughed at the sound of her voice. He had been asking the wrong questions all this time. The question was simple.

Who was he fighting for?

"Erza…"

He looked up at her and her eyes widened as she recognised him. Smiling, he said, "Don't follow me."

_I love you…_

Jellal shot up from his bed, fingers digging into the sheets. He was still in the guest room and he was still alone. He looked down at his hands.

The rose he had been holding before he had accidentally drifted off had disappeared.

* * *

**Author's note:** So I started this in 2013 when I told Ari I could write a drabble for every single John Mayer song so I chose his album Continuum. But circumstances on my end have changed (there are certain things I'm moving on to now) and I'll be graduating uni this summer and starting work in September. Also lost most of my motivation for my ships so I'm just gonna post this one up, maybe keep working on Careless and Necromancer but yeah, that's it.


End file.
